My Struggle With Depression

I was really skeptical about sharing this, I thought to myself…should I? Should I not? I was not really sure I wanted you to know about my struggle untill a friend sent me a mesaage, she didn’t know I had a struggle with depression and till now, I still don’t know why she requested that I write about it. She said,”Themie, when are you going to write about depression?”. It then occured to me that this was God trying to tell me that I had to share this.

What does it mean to be depressed or what does depression mean.
According to Americal Psychological Association, people with depression may experience a lack of interest and pleasure in daily activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleeping, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

HOW IT STARTED
It all started with a break up sometimes last year and I did not tell anyone about it for some time for the fear of being judged and I knew the last thing I wanted to hear was, “Themie, you of all people heartbroken?” and so I kept quiet about it and when I felt I have had too much and I could not continue to bottle up my feelings. I confided in some friends and as expected, I was jugded…”you shouldn’t have done this, you should have done that, suck it up, get over it already, move on…This was all I got and many more. I started to feel really really lonely, no one understood how I truly felt. Then this feeling of emptiness, anger, tiredness, loneliness, worthlessness began to manifest. One day, Someone sent me a whatsapp broadcast mesaage about depression and I read through it and had up to 5 symptoms of depression. Depression to me felt more like saying,”Hello!, I think I have cancer”, it was that huge for me and so I lived in denial…”No, I am too young to be depressed”…It went on like that untill I was diagnosed of acute pylonephritis, that was when I Went deep into depression. The feeling of anger, brokenness, emptiness, loneliness, worthlessness and hopeless, helplessness became emphasized. I found myself starting to feel really empty and genuinely numb to the outside world. I felt a hopelessness that wouldn’t go away. I could not concentrate in school. I knew I needed help when I started looking everywhere for relief, comfort and distraction. I turned to food๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„,coke and my phone. I began to eat excessively(why was it not the opposite tho)…๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ, I drank coke twice everyday and I became very addicted to my phone such that when my battery was low…I felt out of this world. It could have been anything from drugs, alcohol, sex…..Eating, drinking coke and my phone became what I could look forward to, count on to get me through. It was tending towards sex when I realized I urgently needed help. Now, who do I talk to? Who would understand what I was going through became the question. The question became WHO..You see Nigerians have a way of downplaying people’s feelings..and so I didn’t know who to tell. I told a close friend and at first he laughed and then he went, “I am depressed.. all Nigerians are depressed, the condition of this country is depressing”..So, I thought to myself, “Themie wait ooo…it’s like you are exaggerating this thing ooo…”. Depression is real and bad thing is people around you may not understand what you are feeling especially if you are the bubbly type and it appears like everything was happening for you. It went on like that untill I came across @worldpsyche on instagram and sent him a message..I confided in him and told him how it all started in detail and that was it…the turning point.
He made me know that I had two options, to fight it or to let it eat me up. I chose to live again,I decide to fight it and get my life back. Although I do not think I have fully recovered yet but am very much better and am almost there, you know….am almost there. The first step to treating depression is to acknowledge your feelings, reach out, seek help, create a support base and if necessary take medication.

ROAD TO RECOVERY
1. Acknowledge your feelings: Once you acknowlege your feelings, you are on your road to recovery. Do not live in denial, accept it and deal with it. Ask for help, do not bottle up the feelings. Let it out.

2.Find an outlet: Yes! find an outlet…now this phase is very tricky..be sure the outlet is not sex, alcohol, drugs….e.t.c. You have to find something that you enjoy that makes your heart sing and makes you feel good.
For me, it was make up, I started learning make up…which is why am constantly amazed when people think they know your history..You see, people do not have an idea what you going through, instead of reaching out..they go about spreading lies. At some point, I started hearing things like,”Themie is a jack of all trades, she started a kitchen business..stopped, she did this, did that and now she is into make up”..?. Yes! I made some irrational decisions that I still regret..(But it’s my jounrney…MY JOURNEY) It’s not cool when people don’t know a thing about you and your struggle and think they know it all and they can go about and say what they feel like. Sha sha, Make up was it for me, it could be a different thing for you..

3.Cry: Yes! Cry!…let it out… I would cry and cry until I thought that there was no way I could ever shed another tear. And then I would cry some more. I came to understand that crying for me was an emotional release and a sign that I was learning how to feel again without fighting it.

A WORK IN PROGRESS
But the feeble hands and helpless
Groping blindly in the darkness
Touch God’s right hand in that darkness
And are lifted up and strengthened.
LONGFELLOW

The greater part of my recovery was that- I FOUND GOD. Recovery for me was learning to accept accept that life has it’s ups and downs and that even the most difficult situations can provide one with opportunities to grow spiritually and mentally. Today, I have a new inner voice โ€“ one that encourages me to celebrate myself as an imperfect work in progress and that I can turn any situation around for my good..I could turn the negative energy into a positive one.๐Ÿ˜Ž

There are no hard or fast rules and everyone has a different recovery story. The first step to recovery is to seek help. Get help today. This is my no -08068471270
You can talk to me and you can also get in touch with @worldpsyche on instagram, he will be more than willing to help. Depression does not discriminate, it does not know if you are young, old, white, black, male, female, poor, old, educated or not..It can happen to anyone.๐Ÿ˜Ž
Thanks for reading

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19 Comments

  1. Erm lemme say this is a nice piece. But what if tge source of what makes you depressed is not relationships ( I’m done with that. Can’t have someone toying with my life anymore). What makes me depressed is a mixture of certain issues. Life at times to me is more of an empty hall where your voice echoes back to you……. You turn and you only see yourself standing all alone thinking out loud. You smile just to keep people from asking what’s the matter. Coz as you said people would only sympathize with you and offer their own generalized answers. No one really does. The funny thing people think being a guy means your feelings and emotions are bottled up and thrown into the sea. But no in my closet I loook for someone to pour out my heart to. Sadly everyone I’ve tried it with only comes back to haunt me. Depression is a cloak that I wear everyday. Waiting for that person to look beyond the smile on my face and know that truly something is terribly wrong. This is me. Looking through your window and all you see is a wall. Damnnn if only I could keep on writing.

  2. Lovely blog. Lovely post.

    We’ve all struggled with depression one time or the other in our lives. Most times it happens when we solely focus on the negatives. Thanks for sharing these tips.

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